Behind her practical exterior lay a shadow Berkely rarely acknowledged. A fear that transformed minor difficulties into insurmountable obstacles. It revealed itself in a rapid pounding of her heart, a flood of worried thoughts, her booming voice reduced to a whisper, shallow breathing, and a loss of composure when things didn't go as planned. For many years, she brushed these feelings off as simple nervousness, not realizing how unusual her reactions were.
Change was Berkely's worst enemy. Whether it was learning a new sewing technique or adjusting her daily routine, change disturbed her deeply. She faced the unfamiliar with doubt that quickly hardened into stubborn refusal. The familiar felt safe, while anything new threatened the careful order she had built for herself. Even good changes could trigger bouts of anxiety as she ruminated on all the possibilities. There were simply too many variables for which things could go wrong.
She developed habits to manage these feelings: obsessively counting her stitches until her fingers bled, compulsively organizing her workspace for hours instead of working, and pacing back and forth in her room until dawn when thoughts became too much. Sewing wasn't just her craft—it was a sanctuary in the chaos of her own mind.